The Hijacked Blog: December 2005

So I had a lot of company over the holidays, among them, my older sister.

She was in my bedroom and afterward came out and said to me,

"Ok, you naughty things, what sort of kinky tricks are you two getting up to that requires WD-40?"

So now I am thinking, 'That poor girl, she doesn't know about THAT?'

Imagine not knowing about that!

thomcat's resolutions

People...enough!

Yeah,so the news is that 2006 is coming. Whoopeedoo...

So, all frickin week long, I've been hearing people asking me(well ok, just one person asked me), "So Thomcat, What are your New Years Resolutions?"

Hell, I don't know, that would mean I need to sets some goals!

Dammit, people, I'm trying to lower the bar of mediocrity here!

Lets start with numero uno ...

1..I will not wipe my cheeto-dusty paws on the clueless couch this year.

2..I will not put icy-hot on my sore joints then scratch myself.

3..I will not stop blogging because of people bitching and moaning about content. If you don't like my shit, that's fine. Just shut your cake hole, and move on. I don't have time for that shit.

4..I will not start another blog, because I can barely keep up with the one I have ... oh shit, I have 3 blogs ?!?!?

5..I will not allow Logo to take another picture of me and Idiot comparing helmets. Again!

6..I will drink, and drink alot. Why? If you are sick without it, may as well be sick and fucking plastered!

7..Aww forget it, I'm going back to 6!

I hope that everyone has a safe and happy new years.

hello , hello ...

Hey all ! Before I get started I want to thank Thomcat and Snavylyn for inviting me to join this blog with y'all . Anyways , I thought I would do my first post with some jokes .

***************************************************************
George

Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several
members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her
enough to maintain their silence.

She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of
being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the
town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several
others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and
walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later
that evening, George quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred's
house...walked home....and left it there all night

**********************************************************
A Barbie for Christmas

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap.
Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas"?
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe".
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No", says the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken!"
**********************************************************
Thanks all and Happy New Years !

Good hijacker/Bad hijacker

Due to heightened security concerns I thought I would go over this topic just in case there were any questions.

Good hijackers are lovely people and you should spend plenty of time with them.

Bad hijackers are icky, avoid them.

Here are some helpful tips.

This...

is a good hijacker, despite some odd eating habits she had never seized any building or blown up innocent civilians, do not be alarmed.

This suspicious looking character is not a serious threat, with a beer and a scanner he can be tamed within minutes.

This frightening individual is in fact a sweet and precious lil ballerina, just don't piss her off for heaven's sake!

This hijacker may nor may not have actual ill will, but he is easily foiled with a mere S****ucks coffee.

This is an actual hijacker, alarm, alarm!!

Don't sit next to him on a plane or hold his shoes for him!

Goodhijacker/Bad hijacker part 2

This character is a definitely strange looking, but hardly ever hurts people.

This is obviously NOT a dangerous hijacker, this is a wholesome baker type hijacker.

This is a sweet hijacker too, look at that cute face, does he look dangerous??

THIS is a bad hijacker, run away run away!!

OK, got it? Good!

Avoid the bad hijackers and hang with the good hijackers this coming year!!

SWHAB Group HNT

So We Hijacked A Blog, and now we hijacked Half Nekkid Thursday. A collection of Half Nekkid pictures of all the members of SWHAB (formerly Yahoo Trivia Madness members)...

Order from top left to right and down: Barefoot_Mistress, Lime, Bsoholic, Thomcat, Village Idiot, Logophile, and Snav.

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Subtle clues you might be raising a smartass,

Those of you raising other smart asses, please, share with the group.

Tag Says....

A politically correct Chanukah shirt

Hope Santa's been good to you!

Merry Christmas!

And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?It came without ribbons! It came without tags!"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then...?Well...in Who-ville they sayThat the Grinch's small heartGrew three sizes that day!And the minute his heart didn't feel quite so tight,He whizzed with his load through the bright morning lightAnd he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!And he...
...HE HIMSELF...!The Grinch carved the roast beast!

Merry Christmas to All

Merry Christmas to all of you and thanks for all the blogging fun!
Love ya, Lime

Happy Holidays!!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,
yada, yada, yada....

Have a great Christmas fellow Swhabs & bloggers everywhere!!
Love ~ Snavylyn

All I Want for Xmas is a Migraine Pill

I woke up, had breakfast started to go about my day.
I felt the migraine sneak up behind me and try to beat me silly.
I thought, 'You bastard, not this time.' and went for my meds.
Damn bottle is empty.
I drove to the pharmacy for a refill, through unending bumper to bumper traffic.
The pharmacy tech told me my prescription had expired.
I drove back hom through unending bumper to bumper traffic.
I called the doc to ask him to phone in a refill to a closer pharmacy.
The nurse told me pleasantly it would take a few hours.
I called the new pharmacy to check if they got it.
They did.
They have a backlog of prescriptions and it will take a few hours to fill it.
Oh, and they also told me there is a terrible traffic jam in front of their store.
Very bad words are on the tip of my tongue as the skin is splitting off my skull and peeling back so my eyeballs can shoot out of my head and splatter on the far wall.
I am trying not to say the very bad words because even the sound of my own voice makes my head feels like a crazed woodpecker is trapped inside it and trying to escape.

In spite of that all, may you each have a very Merry Christmas.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL MY BLOGGING BUDDIES!

LOVE, SUSIE

Santacat_13 Rants

Ok kiddies, here we go. Brace yourself, I'm going to rant!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things werewhen they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five fucking miles to school every morning ... uphill BOTH ways .. yadda, yadda, yadda And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was goingto lay a bunch of shit like that on kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it! But now that...I'm over the ripe old age of thirty one-ish, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so damned easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email! ! We had to actually write somebodya letter ... with a fucking pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there!

There were no MP3's or Napsters! You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike your ass to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and fucked it all up!

And talk of about hardship? You couldn't justdownload porn! You had to steal it from your brother or bribe some homeless dude to buy you a copy of "Hustler" at the 7-11! Those were your options!

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If youwere on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! And we didn't have fancy Caller ID Boxes either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't fucking know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances,mister!

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! ! We had the Atari 2600! With games like "Space Invaders" and"Asteroids" and the graphics sucked ass! Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder! And harder and faster and faster until you died! ... Just like LIFE!

When you went to the movie theater there no such thing as stadium seating! All the seats were the same height! If a tall guy or some old broad with a hat sat in front of you and you couldn't see, you were just screwed!

Sure, we had cable television, but back then that was only like 15 channels and there was no onscreen menu and no remote control! You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on!

You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel and there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards!

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up. we had to use the stove or go build a frigging fire ...imagine that! If we wanted popcorn, we had to use that stupid JiffyPop thing and shake it over the stove forever like an idiot.

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,
Santacat_13

ACK!

When this blogger was but a sweet and cute lil five and a half year old lass she received from the stork a younger brother.
It was an exciting time, with many new and interesting happenings.

A fascinating aspects of having this young male child join two sisters was a whole new vocabulary. One of these words was scrotum. Only vaguely concerned with the definition, I just enjoyed saying the word. It was altogether new and unfamiliar. Starting with a sharp hiss, then scooting back in the mouth and rounding out to the O. Then the last syllable ending with the lips together in a hum. Even today I enjoy saying "sanctum sanctorum" for much the same reason, its just fun to say! However, I am saddened to report the kindergarten teacher at the rather conservative private school I was attending was not well enough adjusted to handle a young lady in her class periodically murmuring "scrotum" throughout the day. My mother was summoned to the school to handle this crisis. Thankfully, in this particular instance she exhibited a great deal of common sense, and explained to me that scrotum is not a word people typically bandy about in polite conversation or classroom settings.
Thus enlightened I returned to class.

HNT

So this is my second attempt at a HNT film of sorts... It's pretty short, but please be patient with the whole buffering time thing. I was orginally going to use this at my own blog, but I just couldn't wait! LOL. Check our regular personal blogs for the Christmas list HNT posts.

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MERRY HNT AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!

Top Ten things I'd Rather Do Than be Subjected to Another Drunken Christmas with the Hag-in-law

I composed this list after the last Christmas in Georgia when she got drunk and called me every name in the book. I think it was 2003. It made me laugh, that's a good thing right?

10. tap dance in a minefield (which is roughly akin to
the experience anyway)
9. suck the sweat off a dead man's balls
8. brazilian bikini wax
7. be locked in a cage with a dozen wolverines
6. sleep in a spider hole with saddam hussein
5. visit neverland ranch dressed as a 12 yr old boy
4. have an appointment with the noted gynecologist dr.
edward scissorhands
3. undergo surgery without proper anasthesia ( been
there, done that, was much more endurable)
2. use an ice skate blade and a rock to pound a
painful tooth out of my head

and the #1 thing i'd rather do than ever go visit my
mother in law again is......

drive 14 hours in order to chase a wiley squirrel out
of my house....(we were able to leave early to do this
when our house sitter called to et us know we had one
trapped inside the house)

Noogie!

Hahahaha, stop it George, I'll tell your mom on you! Hahahaha, stop stop!

Happy Hump Day!

Dear Santacat_13

Dere Santacat_13,
I wud lik a kool toy spase ranjer fer xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a friggin' book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Santacat_13

Dear Santacat_13,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Santacat_13

Dear Santa_13,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please, see what you can do?
Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me get you some nice Lego's instead.
Santacat_13

Dear Santacat_13,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know.
Santacat_13

Dear Santacat_13,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song?
Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible or are you just a blonde? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house.
Santacat_13

Dear Santacat_13,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE could I have one?
Timmy

Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again.
Santacat_13

You mean this is all there is to it?

Who knew? Christianity, now available in the frozen food section!

Wash your sins away

sometimes, i find some weird shit on my desk ...

New Heavenly Scented
Wash Away your Sins Towelette
Anti-bacterial formula - Kills sins on contact
Right your wrongs with a simple wipe
directions for use:
1 remove moist towelette
2 devoutely wipe away wrong doing
3 spot check for stubborn guilt
4 wipe again as needed
5 discard sins in waste receptable
6 go forth purified and moisturized

Visual Smisual

Visualize This!

My response to the visual of the Idiot!

Speaking of Visuals...

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a multi dimensional wonderland, with many layers.

You're the type that always has multiple streams of though going.

And you can keep these thoughts going at any time.

You're very likely to be engaged in deep thought - and deep conversation.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

WTF visual (from Susie)

Can someone explain this please?

No, really,

What would be your explanation?

Here is a visual for you..since you asked

Visuals...

Here's a shot of a native Nashville Booze Hound.

A friendly breed, however often intoxicated.

We Need More Visuals!!!

I feel responsible for keeping the visuals going here........just words are boringgggggggg! I lifted this photo from a blog that was in Portuguese, so I know nothing about it, but I guess that makes her a Portuguese Water...uh, Girl, just like Ariella!

I am a Logophile--are You?
Karen L. Oberst

Like many writers, I have a love affair with words--all kinds of words. I like short, neat words (buzz, hiss), long, flowing words (verisimilitude), made-up words (supercalifragilisticexpialidocious), old words (mayhaps, fust), new words (hypertext), gloomy words (lugubrious), cheerful words (jonquil)...Well, you get the idea.
Let me introduce you to a few of my favorite words, and some of the surprising places I met them.
Of course, anyone who loves words loves Dr. Seuss. Here are just a few from my most recent acquisition, The Lorax. "At the far end of town, where the Grickle-grass grows..." The Once-ler "...lurks in his lerkin, cold under the roof, where he makes his own clothes out of miff-muffered moof." "This thing is a Thneed. A Thneed's a Fine-Something-That-All-People-Need!" And so on, and so on. Seuss is a genius at creating words that describe something exactly, which convey feeling with their sounds.
Another obvious author is Lewis Carroll. "Jabberwocky" from Through the Looking Glass would earn him a place in the Word Lovers' Hall of Fame even if he had never written anything else. It begins "'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves/Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:/All mimsey were the borogroves,/And the mome raths outgrabe." Within its few verses we are also introduced to the "frumious Bandersnatch," "vorpal sword," "tulgey wood," beamish boy," and "frabjous day." Many of these of course are portmanteau words--two words put together to make a third, which includes the meaning of both, such as slithy meaning lithe and slimy, and mimsey meaning miserable and flimsy. But whatever they mean, they are a joy to say.

-------------------------------------------

Ok, and here are a couple of my favorite words...

Kuala Lumpur

temerarious

extemporaneous

voluptuous

How about you? What words do you love to say, or read?

May I just say...

I do so love www.tshirthell.com

Mr Logo's favorite Hanukkah shirt
SPIN MY DREIDEL
(and by dreidel I mean cock, and by spin I mean suck)

No, he is not Jewish, he just support multi-culturalism insofar as it provides amusement.
He also requests that I clarify that although he likes it he would never wear it, he just says it to me.