Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Monday, January 30, 2006
What I want to do today
What do you want to do with your Monday?
and now it's mallard time...
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Friday, January 27, 2006
A Little Humor From My Neck Of The Woods
Three men were sitting together bragging about how they
had given their new wives duties.
The first man had married a woman from Alabama and
bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all
the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple
days but on the third day he came home to a clean
house and the dishes were done.
The second man had married a woman from Florida.
He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she
was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On
the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day
it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the
dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a woman from Massachusetts.
He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep
the house cleaned, dishes washed,lawn mowed, laundry
washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said
the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he
didn't see anything, but by the third day most of the swelling
had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
Enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher and
telephone a landscaper.
Got to love those Massachusetts Women!
Looking for my long lost big brother
HR PUFF N STUFF WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!?!
now,, who else thinks Sid and Marty Croft took copius amounts of controlled substances?
Thursday, January 26, 2006
HNT We see...who?
Here we have some hijacker body parts.
these photos were not taken after a plane crash or a bombing.
Can you identify the hijacker from the photo?
Might be the same person,
but maybe not.
Oh, and don't forget to have a
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Should Children Witness Childbirth?
(This is one of the funniest I've ever read!)
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, dark, so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-year-old girl, to hold the light high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Kathleen did as she was asked. Her mother Heidi pushed and pushed, and after a little while Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry . The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in thefirst place. Smack his ass again."
Monday, January 23, 2006
Why does chocolate have calories, and what are you planning to do about it?
All food has calories. We need a certain caloric intake each day to maintain energy and function. An excess of caloric consumption can be handled through corresponding exercise. For example you may swim though the pool of chocolate as you sip it. It comes up even that way. Of course, if you don't have enough chocolate o hande to swim through you can just apply it to your partner's body as part of foreplay. The ensuing energy expenditure, if done correctly should negate the caloric intake.
Dear Lime: Is there such thing as a calorie and fat free chocolate bar?
LOL @ calories are afraid of heights!! THAT was classic!
See above answer to Bare. And go wash your mouth out with some high quality chocolate for even suggesting such a thing! Good Lord, next you'll be asking if carob is an acceptible substitute. I am shuddering even thinking of it. On second thought, let me go wash MY mouth out with some high quality chocolate! I need it to calm my nerves after thinking about the horror of carob.
If I eat too much chocolate, will I die?
Yes, Bad dog! Bad dog! Give me all the chocolate now! This is for your own good! This hurts you more than it hurts me.
The Village Idiot said...
uhhh...note to the editor...white chocolate is not a true chocolate...doesnt it have to contain ground up cocoa bean?
Very good! I was about to note that myself in this post. White chocolate is ONLY acceptable as a garnish or a decorating embellishment such as delicate white stripes atop a decadent dark chocolate truffle....something that visually contrasts with the dark, rich brown color and which subtly offers a slight textural and taste differentiation upon the tongue.......um...er...excuse me....I need a moment to myself.
I uh, er have this uh friend who loves chocolate but it makes him break out in pimples sometimes. What should he do about it?
Scientific studies have shown there is ZERO correlation between chocolate and acne. However, you are under no compulsion to tell your friend this. In fact, I recommend you encourage your friend to expunge his or her house of all chocolate for his/her own good. Then you can split the stash with me.
Uh yes, where's the chocolate? I came here for the free samples.
Free samples? Who said anything about free samples? Do I look like Willy Wonka?? I'm just the answer lady.
I have a confession to make:
Chocolate - take it or leave it.
I dunno what exactly that means. Are you saying you love the stuff or that you are indifferent? If you are indifferent then crimony, woman........gimme yer chocolate now!
Q. Why is there no organization such as Chocoholics Anonymous?
And thank you for your participation in, "ASK LIME."**
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Because your wish is my command...
Saturday, January 21, 2006
Have any great plans for the weekend?
Then we can get some amazing seafood, and great wine.
After that, I guess we all have to get home on time for work, or school, or whatever.
Well, did ya have fun?
Friday, January 20, 2006
Thursday, January 19, 2006
HNThis Is The Last Coffee Post
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
An elderly man lay dying in his bed.
In death's agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands. With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.
Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven: there, spread out upon newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted; the wondrous taste of the cookie was already in his mouth; seemingly bringing him back to life.
The aged and withered hand, shockingly made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.
"Stay out of those," she said, "they're for the funeral."
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
One more thing...about coffee
Something is rotten in the state of Denmark!
Scarred Yet Again
Yes..You captured my pain...my descent into what can only be described as my own personal hell, populated with smiling evil barristas, forcing black sludge down my throat...much like that one Gumby Episode that scarred me deeply...
I hope you are enjoying my pain and torment!!!
Happy Birthday To Thomcat Too
who always thought he was so "all that"
he’d sit in his cube
and stare at the tube
happily blogging all day
this boy who is always so fickle
for each girl – if I had a nickel
is one funny dude
and sometimes is crude
but expresses himself in his own way
i hope that your day is a good one
filled with laughter and beer and is much fun
that work goes by fast
and you go have a blast
have an absolute wonderful birthday
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SNAVY!
Bare started a little birthday tradition back in Trivia Madness! Birthday girls get nekkid men. So Snavy, here are some to choose from. You get him for 24 hours. He will do your bidding. He cooks, he cleans, he puts the toilet seat down. He tends kids and is skilled in sexual technique. He's all yours, kiddo. Happy birthday!
Monday, January 16, 2006
Alright, this is the last time, I promise,
It is sitting with the envelope, ready to head to you as soon as you email me an address.
So, while we are sitting here drinking our beverages of choice...
a little quiz?
Sunday, January 15, 2006
An Ode to Idiot
He never felt at ease in there, as everything was strange.
He promised himself that he can never go near.
His frustration grew as more people came and stayed.
As he avoided these shops, is if they were the plague.
Against this innocent Coffeeshopthatshallnotbenamed
Saturday, January 14, 2006
Coffee can grow anywhere between the Tropic of Cancer to the north and the Tropic of Capricorn below the equator. Although coffee is grown from sea level up to 7,000 feet, the higher quality grades are grown at higher altitude ranges.
Coffee is divided into two categories, Arabica & Robusta. Arabica coffee is the superior species from the coffee lover's point of view. Arabica beans are the bean of choice in "gourmet" or "specialty coffees". Arabica coffee beans produce the rich flavor and body found in a good cup of coffee. Robusta lacks this flavor and body.
There are several differences between Robusta and Arabica coffee beans. Arabica coffee is difficult to grow. It is more prone to disease, requires more hand cultivation, and yields smaller harvests per acre. The Robusta species is a hardy, high-yielding plant resistant to the numerous pests which afflict coffee.
Robusta coffees have higher caffeine content than Arabica; up to twice as much. Robusta is used in instant coffees and in most blends found on grocery store shelves. Arabica beans are much more expensive, which is why the large coffee companies use predominantly Robusta coffee.
Sometimes coffee companies will blend a small amount of coffee Arabica with a larger portion of Robusta. Coffee regulations in the United States only require manufacturers to specify that they are selling 100% coffee. This allows coffee manufacturers to blend 10% of an expensive type of coffee with a much cheaper grade and advertise is it as a specialty blend of coffee. This can be avoided by ensuring that when you buy coffee that they specify that it is 100% from the country and crop advertised.
Roasting also affects taste, as does the length of time from roasting to consumption. Unlike fine wine, roasted coffee does not improve with age. With modern packaging methods the window of optimum taste after roasting is extended from 2-5 days for up to several weeks; however, grocery store coffee can be on the shelf up to six months before reaching the consumer. Coffee is best stored in a cool, dark place with constant humidity- keep it out of the fridge.
African, Malaysian, Central American, and South American coffee beans all have distinct flavor characteristics and the darkness of the roast will yield different characteristics. The roast that is characterized as "Italian", the darkest of the roasts, (Starbucks) will cover a multitude of flavor flaws.
Other important factors include:
the grinding of the bean (for the love of all that is holy, please don't drink coffee that was ground up months ago, it is a travesty!), coffee should be as fine as possible without turning it to powder
for American-style coffee, the filter. Paper filters are the most common but absorb many of the oils that contain the flavor of the coffee. Metal filters are often coated to prevent a metallic flavor and have the advantage of being permanant. Cloth filter are a good flavor alternative though they require rinsing (clear water only) and have a life span of about 3 months.
Brewing at the proper temperature; starting with clean, fresh water (alkalines are not friendly with coffee), and keeping your coffee making equipment clean will all contribute to a better cup as well.
NEVER allow coffee to boil, the coffee gods will weep.
And a finally, the best for last...
espresso...good espresso is rich, heavy-bodied, and almost syrupy; furthermore, it has the characteristic bittersweet bite of dark-roast coffee. The sharp flavor and heavy body make it an ideal coffee to be drunk with milk and sugar, milk dilutes and mellows the strong, sharp coffee.
Espresso is several things at once. It is a unique method of brewing in which hot water is forced under pressure through tightly packed coffee, a cup at a time. It is a roast of coffee, darker brown than the normal American roast but not quite black. In a larger sense, it is an entire approach to coffee cuisine, involving not only roast and brewing method, but grind and grinder, and a technique of heating milk. In the largest sense of all, it is an atmosphere or mystique: The espresso brewing machine is the spiritual heart and esthetic centerpiece of the European-style cafe.
Alright, I will stop now. (breathing deeply)
Just imagine, this is only on the topic of coffee,
don't get me started on politics, religion,
or the freaking-27-straight-days-of-rain weather!
Friday, January 13, 2006
LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - In a rare setback for the company that made "Frappuccino" a household word, a federal judge ruled that a small New Hampshire coffee roaster can keep selling its "Charbucks" brand coffee beans, following a nearly decade-long legal battle with S****ucks Corp.
Judge Laura Swain of New York federal court ruled last month that consumers were unlikely to be confused between S****ucks and the "Charbucks" and "Mister Charbucks" coffee blends sold by the family-owned Black Bear Micro Roastery of Centre Tuftonboro, New Hampshire.
The judge also ruled that the world's largest coffee shop chain had failed to prove the "Charbucks" products had tarnished its image. S****ucks sued Black Bear in 2001, though its legal department first raised objections to Black Bear's use of the term "Charbucks" in 1997. In a statement, S****ucks said it was currently reviewing the court's opinion.
Late last year, a federal judge in Oregon ruled in favour of S****ucks in a case involving a woman named Samantha Buck who had named her Astoria, Oregon coffee shop Sambucks
SCORE ONE FOR THE LITTLE GUY!!!
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
IT'S Time For HNT
Mysterious and spooky,
They're all together ooky,
Where people come to see 'em
They really are a scream
We're gonna pay a call on
What Did Our Little Susie Win
< contest id="What The Idiot Did Today">
< type="fruit" style="detachable" flavor="banana">
< make="porsche" color="red">
< /prize >
< /contest >
< /blogger >
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Oh Mah Gawwwwd
And I was like, Ohh, like, gag me.
And he was like, Cool.